I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
