I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
