hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my poor anus
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
