So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
should my penis look like a turkey
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
