if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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