i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she smelled like a LAN party
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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