Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
