he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
