cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
