apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
