Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
