The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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