SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
