Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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