Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
