I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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