Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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