I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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