So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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