dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
