ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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