At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
