dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
