so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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