this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we should paint friendship bongs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
