i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
