1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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