you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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