dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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