I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Quick, to the slutcave!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
