I want to have your abortion
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
