You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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