did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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