lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
