I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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