so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
