I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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