"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
