So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
