Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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