She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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