I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
