My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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