Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
