So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He did a backflip because drugs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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