Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
