oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
