Do you still have your period?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
