My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
