So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
